Parenting Coach

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Archive for the month “September, 2012”

Giving your child the gift of power

Do you remember a time when your child influenced you? She came up with an idea that actually changed your mind or even just showed you her point of view.

In the book,`How We Love Our Children`by Milan and Kay Lerkovich, it states: All children need to know they have the power to influence others, and as a highly influential and respected adult in your child’s life, you have the power to affirm that in her. With the security of firm, consistent boundaries, a child can be trained to confidently affect decisions and outcomes.

The four ways to help your child gain the gift of power are:1. Provide choices 2. Listen to their opinions 3. Ask their opinions 4. Say YES to requests to pretend and role-play.

Asking for your child’s ideas, opinions and reasoning provides opportrunity for your child to articulate critical thinking and develop the skill of persuasion. However, these skills must be encouraged and taught. As a parent, questions that begin with what and how are great tools to use when talking to your child. Another tool would be to do role-playing or even just asking your child ,”how would it feel if you were in her/his shoes?” Role-playing can be used if your child is struggling, in making friends, saying no, setting boundaries or confronting a problem.

Pretending and role-playing are great ways to have fun whie teaching a variety of tools.Playing is how you, as an adult, can enter your child’s world.Playing teaches our child planning, prediction, sustained attention, impulse control, cooperation, taking turns, symbolic thought , organization, self-direction, patience and many other skills.

You know if you have done well when you see your kids at an older age, making good choices, exercising influence, and taking control in positive ways.

As parents, when we diligently take the patience and be conscious of this new way of thinking and behavior, our children will have developed good critical thinking skills, can say no and set boundaries, and make decisions that will empower them when they leave home for the adult world.

True-to-Life Result of Good Parenting

Today, I would like to share with you the story of one of my coachees. I shall name her Jay ( not her real name).

I have been coaching Jay now for a few sessions, as part of her curriculum in her coaching school. In all of our coaching sessions, Jay always spoke of her parents as the structure that has made her the woman that she is today.

Today, i can describe Jay as resilient, strong natured, not afraid to make decisions, caring, mindful, and loving. And, of course, intelligent.

This is how Jay describes her home life: ” My family is most important. We are closely knitted. We always have dinners together and we talk about how the day went and how it all felt”. She would often talk of how her father and mother guided her through life and  how they gave her inspiring wisdom as she was growing in age and maturity. She once said,” My dad’s wisdom is : “Everyone would be so much happier if people let go of the ‘should’s.” At another time, she said, when I was contemplating on quitting my job, my father said,” The day you feel that you cannot leave your job is the day you have to leave it.”

Most remarkable was when I asked her, ” what are the top 3 things you cherish and want to follow about your parent^s parenting style?” Her answers: 1. They treated us like we matterd- that we were partners and that we are building the family together. They made me feel important.2. They are very loving towards us. They never spanked or hurt us when we were kids. They respected us. They talked to us instead of scolding us. They never fought infront of us , but rather, showed affection towards each other. She goes on by describing her own feelings, ” to me, its a very peaceful feeling as a child. Its unsettling to see that my mom is at odds with my dad. It built my belief in goodness & love. Their modelling was good.”3. Their love was unconditional. They always made me feel that they loved me- no matter what.

So inspiring!!!! Here is a true-to-life creation of good parenting!

When you read through this, certain emotions would strike you. Words like `They respected us`, They made me feel important`, They treated us like we mattered`.

Imagine yourself being treated this way. Its a beautiful feeling, isn’t it?

How much would it cost you to give these to your children? And how much, do you think, will your children gain from these?

And, when your children have grown up, how would you like your own child to decsribe you?

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